Dancing with Your Brain: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Joy Without Getting Lost in the Science

Have you ever watched a child completely lost in play and thought, "How do I get some of that pure joy back?" Not the kind of happiness that’s forced for a photo or the “I should be happy” kind, but that real, deep-down, can’t-help-but-smile kind of joy? The kind that bubbles up when you’re fully in the moment—when you forget the world is watching.

As both a positive psychology practitioner and someone who's navigated the sometimes choppy waters of neurodivergence, I’ve spent years exploring this question. And if you’ve ever felt like joy is a bit harder to access in adulthood—especially if your brain works a little differently—let me tell you: you’re not alone.

But joy isn’t gone; it’s just waiting to be invited back in.

The Joy Map: Where Science Meets Real Life

Picture your brain as a bustling city. Some streets are highways of happiness, others are cozy back alleys of contentment, and sometimes there's a bit of traffic in Anxiety Avenue.

Sound familiar? Let’s explore this city together, and I promise—no psych babble, just real-life wisdom, a sprinkle of science, and practical tools that actually make a difference.

The "Aha!" Moment

Remember that feeling when your child finally masters something they've been struggling with? That burst of pride and joy? There’s fascinating science behind that moment:

What’s Really Happening:

• Your brain releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, and a little hit of oxytocin—like a natural celebration!)

• Neural pathways strengthen, making that skill or feeling easier to access next time

• Your child’s confidence grows, and so does their sense of agency in the world

So how do you step into that : Instead of just saying "good job," try:

"I saw how hard you worked on that. What part made you feel most proud?"

This simple shift strengthens the joy pathway and deepens your connection with your child.

For those of us with neurodivergent brains (hello, my people! 👋), joy might look a little different. And that’s not just okay—it’s brilliant. The key is to not judge the answer :) Their pride is important even if you dont understand it.

Common Joy Myths vs. Reality:

❌ Myth: "You need to socialize to be happy."

✅ Reality: Joy comes in many flavors. For some, it's a quiet room and a favorite book. For others, it's a bustling party. Both are equally valid.

❌ Myth: "Happy people are always smiling."

✅ Reality: Joy can be internal, intense, and completely invisible to others. Your joy is yours to experience in your way.

So with those myths out the way, let's get building your joy map!

Practical Joy-Building Strategies (That Actually Work)

1. The Sensory Joy Inventory

Take 5 minutes to notice:

• What sounds make you feel peaceful?

• Which textures bring comfort?

• What scents lift your mood?

Use these to create a personal "Joy Menu"—a go-to list of things that bring you genuine pleasure when you need a boost.

2. The Tiny Traditions Technique

Joy doesn’t have to be big or grand. In fact, tiny moments of joy—when repeated—have a cumulative effect on your brain. Try building small, consistent rituals into your day:

• Letting the morning sun touch your face as you sip your tea

• A 30-second dance break between tasks

• A bedtime ritual where you and your child share one thing that made you smile today

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3. The Reset Button Protocol

For when things feel overwhelming:

• Find your feet (literally feel them on the ground)

• Take three deep breaths

• Name one thing you can see, hear, and feel

• Remember: this too shall pass

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Grounding yourself in the present moment helps reset your nervous system and invites calm back in.

The Science Behind the Strategies (In Human Words!)

Neuroscientists call it neuroplasticity, but I like to think of it as brain dancing—your brain constantly rewiring itself based on what you practice. Every time you lean into joy, you’re teaching your brain a new dance move. And the best part? Joy is contagious.

What This Means for Parents:

• Your children are watching and learning your joy patterns—how you experience and express happiness

• Small, consistent moments matter more than grand gestures

• It’s never too late to develop new joy pathways

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The Parent’s Pressure-Free Joy Guide

☑️ Joy doesn’t have to be loud

☑️ It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s

☑️ It’s okay to find joy in unexpected places

☑️ Your neurodivergent joy is valid and valuable

Practical Tools to Try This Week:

1. The Joy Tracker (If you need an example check out our membership resources under mindfulness)

Create a simple, low-effort way to notice what brings joy:

• Energy level before/after activities

• Comfort level during different situations

• Notes about what felt naturally good

Patterns will emerge, and you’ll get a better idea of what truly feeds your joy.

2. The Family Joy Menu

Together with your children, create a list of:

• 5-minute joy boosters

• Calm-down activities

• Celebration rituals that feel good to everyone

When you have options ready to go, joy becomes easier to access, even on tough days.

3. The Sensory Reset Kit

For moments of stress or sensory overload, gather:

• Something to smell (lavender or citrus oil)

• Something to touch (a soft fabric or stress ball)

• Something to taste (a peppermint or piece of dark chocolate)

• Something to hear (a favourite song or a calming chime)

• Something to see (a beautiful picture, a candle flame, or even a kaleidoscope)

Having a toolkit makes it easier to shift into a calmer, more joyful state when you need it most.

You’re Already Rewiring Your Brain—Right Now

You’re not just reading about joy—you’re actively changing your brain’s joy circuits. How amazing is that?

Want to explore this further?

Try one small joy practice today and notice what happens. Your brain (and your family) will thank you! 💫

Let us know how you get on

Tracy and Cherry